Many leaders struggle with how to express gratitude to their followers.  Well, it starts from the heart and is a direct result from actually feeling gratitude.  A leader’s attitude towards gratitude will be internally and externally inspirational.  Why is this true?  Why is it so important?  How can you as a leader tap the true power of your potential through a simple “thank you“?  Here are nine ways to tap into that potential.

1. Let go of resentment and blame towards others

“Resentment is like venom that continues to pour through your system, doing its poisonous damage long after being bitten by the snake. It’s not the bite that kills you; it’s the venom” says Wayne Dyer in 10 Secret for Success and Inner Peace.  The venom of resentment prevents us from showing gratitude.  After all, it’s hard to show gratitude to those you feel have harmed you in some way.  Yet, it’s essential in opening your heart up to the genuine feelings that result from gratitude.  Just as lightness cannot coexist with darkness, resentment cannot exist with gratitude.  The light of gratitude must extinguish the unforgiving darkness.

The word resentment comes from the Latin word sentire meaning to feel.  Re-sentment is to feel over and over again.  If you find yourself feeling blame and lack of forgiveness for others, stop rewinding the tape of feelings of anger and hostility.  Then and only then, will you finally let room in your heart for gratitude.

2.    Share the credit and the blame

Ken Chenault, CEO of American Express, credits his sports background with honing this leadership principle.  He relayed the story of being a five-year-old soccer player whose team lost a game they should have won.  Arguably, the goalie missed a relatively easy save, but the lasting coaching and leadership lesson from that moment is that the entire team lost a close game they should have won because of the attitude of the entire team.

As a contributor to the book Come to Win: Business Leaders, Artists, Doctors, and Other Visionaries on How Sports Can Help You Top Your Profession, by Venus Williams and Kelly Carter, he writes:

“My view is that top leaders should share the credit, and then in certain situations take the blame. You’re always better off, without being sycophantic or patronizing, sharing the credit. People appreciate the recognition of their contributions, and that, frankly, makes them want to work ever harder for the organization and for you.”

As a high school basketball player, he had the opportunity to score the winning basket.  One of his teammates, who was a stellar player gave him praise for his performance.  He realized how much this player pushed aside his ego to give him praise that night.  A leader often has to push aside his ego in order to consider the best interests of his team.

3.       Recognize what truly merits gratitude

The Fox and the Woodcutter is an Aesop fable that talks about the importance of recognizing only genuine acts worthy of gratitude.  It is a short fable, and merits being repeated here in its entirety.

A FOX, running before the hounds, came across a Woodcutter felling an oak and begged him to show him a safe hiding-place. The Woodcutter advised him to take shelter in his own hut, so the Fox crept in and hid himself in a corner. The huntsman soon came up with his hounds and inquired of the Woodcutter if he had seen the Fox. He declared that he had not seen him, and yet pointed, all the time he was speaking, to the hut where the Fox lay hidden. The huntsman took no notice of the signs, but believing his word, hastened forward in the chase. As soon as they were well away, the Fox departed without taking any notice of the Woodcutter: whereon he called to him and reproached him, saying, “You ungrateful fellow, you owe your life to me, and yet you leave me without a word of thanks.” The Fox replied, “Indeed, I should have thanked you fervently if your deeds had been as good as your words, and if your hands had not been traitors to your speech.”   — Translated by George Fyler Townsend

What is the moral of the story? Be mindful of actions that should not be acknowledged with gratitude.  This will demoralize those dutiful followers and unjustifiably promote poor behavior by the insincere.

4.       Express gratitude through intrinsic rewards and recognition

As a young systems programmer, I had a rather difficult technical challenge in front of me.  I worked long hours of focused concentration to finally accomplish the task.  I enjoyed the work and felt the joy of completing something that was important and meaningful.  However, after I finished, my supervisor decided that she no longer wanted this task done.  When I expressed disappointment that my time was wasted, she reminded me that I did receive a paycheck.

In Company of Heroes: Unleashing the Power of Self-Leadership, Henry P. Sims and Charles C. Manz talk about ways to create powerful leadership in your organization.  One key to this is finding ways to motivate the heroes among you.  If a person really enjoys reading, then reading about leadership (as an example) would feel more like a reward than a work task – this behavior needs to be encouraged.  Sims and Manz explain that, “… [n]o externally administered incentives are required to motivate this behavior. The incentives are natural; they come from the task itself. There is an embedded joy in performing the task.”

That boss I had in my twenties no doubt expressed her gratitude through completing my time sheet so that I could get paid.  I think I would have preferred an expression of regret that the requirement changed and a promise of more fun work like this in the future.  The fun was the intrinsic reward.

5.       Don’t miss a divine moment of giving praise or expressing appreciation

As leaders, we find ourselves having to talk about our accomplishments or sell our capabilities on a regular basis.  But, we can’t forget that the fruit of these accomplishments come forth from the seeds of the people doing the work.

“Giving a blessing, or receiving one, is a divine moment. Withholding praise or well-deserved remuneration cheats people and hurts them, but giving proper praise and affirmation enlarges their hearts and deepens their commitment to their leader and their work.” –from Ronald A. Beers in Divine Moments for Leaders

The leader must recognize this and say thank you to the people in their organization.

6.       Recast what seems like a bad situation and look for the gift

“How can a situation— any situation—help me grow and develop loving-kindness toward myself or others?” asks Judith Orloff in Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life.  She challenges herself and her patients to ask this question with authority and recast despair.  “Adversity of any kind”, she says, “can yield hidden gifts.”

Once you find the gift, you will naturally feel gratitude.  You may be like the seven dwarfs and “whistle while your work” to recast drudgery into playful activity.  Being able to do this, means that you can mine goodness in all experiences when you learn to find the spiritual message within emotional turmoil.

7.       There’s no need to go out of your way to discourage people, but tell the truth and make sure your praise is sincere.

We all know what happened to the Emperor and his new clothes; yet, we often consider faint praise as better than nothing.  Sam Harris in a quick little read called Lying, talks about how we hold back our people by doing this.   “And yet we are often tempted to encourage others with insincere praise. In this we treat them like children—while failing to help them prepare for encounters with those who will judge them like adults.”

8.       Expressing appreciation is a gift of maturity

I had a 6^th grade teacher – Mrs. Regina Rutledge at Drew Elementary School in Washington, DC.  The older I get, the more I appreciate her tough love and soft skills.  I learned that young ladies can like math and it was ok to break away from the pack.  I think about her a lot as I get older and wonder if she knows how grateful we were for what she gave us.  Robert Greenleaf in Servant Leadership: A Journey into the Nature of Legitimate Power and Greatness laments that his students expressed very little appreciation.  A seasoned professor friend went on to explain that, “[t]he capacity for appreciation is a gift of maturity and young people often do not have it-not sensitive appreciation that recognizes the deep and essential human qualities.”

I suppose it isn’t too late to thank Mrs. Rutledge.  I hope it’s not anyway – or to any other 6^th grade educator.

9.       Make generosity a way of life and exist in a constant state of gratitude

As we exit the Thanksgiving season and enter the December holidays, we will have endless rituals and traditions of giving thanks and expressing gratitude.  However, we must learn to maintain that spirit constantly. Some of us closed our eyes and bowed our heads giving thanks for the food that we ate, but do we live eyes wide open and walk headlong with a spirit of gratitude?

Furthermore, we must apply that spirit to how we lead and manage.  We get really good at participating at awards ceremonies and annual presentations of plaques and Plexiglas obelisks, but do we lead in a constant state of gratitude?  Wayne Dyer in The Power of Intention gives us the imperative.  “The more you give of yourself, no matter how little, the more you open the door for life to pour in. This not only compensates you for your gift, it also increases the desire to give, and consequently the ability to receive as well.”

We must seek ways to give constantly.  And do it in a constant state of appreciation for EVERYTHING.  This is essential for leadership success.