We often talk about external barriers to women’s leadership—bias, stereotypes, the glass ceiling. But one of the most painful obstacles can come from within: when women undermine other women.
Competition, insecurity, and lack of mentorship sometimes create rivalries that pit women against each other instead of lifting each other up. For leaders, acknowledging this hidden barrier is the first step toward breaking it. The next step? Replacing rivalry with collaboration, mentorship, and allyship.
Challenge 1: Competition and Comparison
In male-dominated industries, women are often made to feel like there’s room for only a few of them at the top. This scarcity mindset fosters unhealthy competition rather than collaboration.
Why This Matters
When women compete against each other for limited recognition, they waste energy that could be spent innovating, building networks, and driving impact.
The Reframe
- Reject the Scarcity Myth: There’s not one seat at the table—there’s room to expand the table.
- Celebrate Wins Together: One woman’s success paves the way for others.
- Shift From Rivalry to Partnership: Competition limits growth. Collaboration multiplies it.
Pro Tip: The success of another woman doesn’t diminish yours—it amplifies it.
Challenge 2: Betrayal in the Workplace
Linda Cureton recounts being betrayed by three colleagues—women who filed grievances and undermined her leadership. Their actions didn’t stem from incompetence, but from insecurity and a culture that rewarded sabotage over support.
Why This Matters
When women turn against women, it reinforces harmful stereotypes and gives strength to systems already stacked against them.
The Reframe
- Identify the “Judas” Dynamic: Recognize sabotage for what it is—fear masquerading as power.
- Don’t Dim Your Light: Hiding your talents to avoid being targeted doesn’t help you or others.
- Channel Empathy With Boundaries: Understand the insecurity, but don’t let it derail your purpose.
Key Insight: Your light doesn’t shine less because others try to dim it.
Challenge 3: Lack of Mentorship and Support
Often, women who undermine others lack access to mentorship and strong networks. Without guidance, frustration turns inward, and instead of growing, some choose sabotage.
Why This Matters
Mentorship is one of the strongest antidotes to rivalry. Without it, women are left to navigate hostile cultures alone.
The Reframe
- Mentor Widely: Don’t just guide women like you—mentor across differences.
- Create Echo Chambers of Growth, Not Gossip: Replace cliques with communities of encouragement.
- Invest in Networks: Strong connections reduce insecurity and increase collective success.
Lesson Learned: A culture of mentorship can dismantle a culture of rivalry.
Challenge 4: Gender Bias and Stereotypes
Underlying these rivalries are harmful stereotypes—like the “angry Black woman” trope or being labeled “bitchy” for showing authority. When women weaponize these stereotypes against each other, they reinforce barriers they should be dismantling.
Why This Matters
Bias doesn’t just come from men. When women echo stereotypes, it perpetuates inequality and hurts all women.
The Reframe
- Name the Bias: Don’t let stereotypes go unchallenged.
- Model Alternative Narratives: Show that strength, intelligence, and authenticity are leadership assets.
- Lift as You Climb: Break stereotypes by broadening what leadership looks like.
Real Talk: Tearing down another woman doesn’t make bias disappear—it strengthens it.
Challenge 5: Building Allyship Instead of Rivalry
The antidote to women undermining women is creating cultures of allyship. Leaders play a key role in modeling and institutionalizing this shift.
Practical Steps for Leaders
- Celebrate Publicly, Support Privately: Recognize women’s contributions openly and back them in closed rooms.
- Encourage Cross-Mentorship: Pair women across levels, disciplines, and backgrounds.
- Call Out Undermining Behavior: Don’t allow gossip, exclusion, or sabotage to define culture.
- Model Vulnerability and Courage: Show that leadership isn’t a zero-sum game.
Leadership Hack: Collaboration is contagious. When leaders model allyship, it becomes the cultural norm.
Conclusion: Choosing Light Over Rivalry
When women undermine women, everyone loses. It stalls careers, reinforces stereotypes, and keeps glass ceilings intact. But when women collaborate, mentor, and support one another, they don’t just succeed individually—they shift the culture of leadership itself.
Great leaders understand that the true measure of influence isn’t in climbing alone, but in lifting others along the way.
Call to Action
This week, identify one woman you can support—not compete with. Offer mentorship, celebrate her win, or amplify her voice in a meeting. Remember: hiding your light doesn’t protect you. Let it shine—and help others shine, too.
